Hey y’all!
Love, real love, the hand-holding, eye-gazing, soul-edifying kind, has become a luxury good.
Today’s podcast is my first crack at contending with that. After a wondrous spring weekend spent bopping around Dallas, basking in the glow of shared affection, I logged onto social media to see Black women arguing about the merits of spending almost a quarter of the median US worker’s annual income on a dating coach.
Source: Shirley Vernae @ TikTok
Personally, I don’t see the problem, but I understand the anxiety. People (gender non-specific) are scared that romantic love is the new Chanel bag. And not even the classic flap. We’re talking seasonal, rare-textile, two-years-on-a-waitlist Chanel. And honestly? That fear isn’t irrational.
In a society where normies hire $10K dating coaches, status, class, and cultural fit silently make matches before feelings even get a chance to develop.
When “I just want to be adored” somehow sounds like a monumental ask, the old rules of courtship have collapsed. That’s not a completely bad thing. The problem is what’s replaced them.
Listen as I reflect on the slow death of romantic love inspired by Sabrina Strings’ hauntingly accurate diagnosis of media-fueled misogyny and the passing of old-school men who didn’t need to perform dominance to feel powerful. I talk about character, about culture fit, about how we ended up here, and why wanting to be cherished shouldn’t feel like a gamble.
To be clear, I don’t agree with Strings’ assessment. Romantic love isn’t dead, but it is cordoned off behind a paywall.
If you’ve ever felt like modern romance is a high-stakes game only the rich, beautiful, or exceptionally lucky get to play, I kinda think you’re right.
That’s it for now. But before I go, let me just say that wanting romance doesn’t make you delulu. It makes you alive. I’ve said this before, but I’ll reiterate a mea culpa.
Before I understood what a good romantic partner can bring to your life, I was extremely derisive (frankly, I still judge the thirstiest among us), but I completely understand the desire for a steady, non-raggedy love story.
Until next time,
💜Kim
📚Reading Material
⏳ Timestamps from the Episode ⏳
For when you want to skip straight to the good part.
0:00 — Weekend recap and soft weather bliss
2:30 — Slowing down and savoring the little things
5:00 — Spring is for lovers: thoughts on romance and renewal
8:38 — What magnetism really has to do with marriage
9:48 — The importance of “butterflies”
12:00 — The need to be adored: a dating non-negotiable
16:59 — Gender wars, misogyny, and men performing dominance
19:12 — What economic inequality has to do with feeling unloved
20:00 — Sabrina Strings and the theory that romantic love is ending
22:40 — Chanel bag energy: romantic love as a luxury good
💬 What do y’all think?
Does it feel like romantic love is a luxury now? Like something only certain people get to have? I’m really curious if you’ve felt that shift in your own life or are you like, “Nah girl, love is still out here if you want it.” Let me know in the comments. I wanna hear how y’all are feeling about all this.
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