As a queer woman, the only reason why these conversations never resonated with me because it always seemed so hetropessimistic and honestly entitled.
I think for me as queer women especially, I've always regarded romantic love as a luxury and not as a right because the queer community is so small , and because I'm black as well you also have to navigate racism in queer spaces as well as the socio economic status , cultural fit and the character of the person on top of homophobia (whether internally or from outside spaces ) .
I think a lot of queer people , have to reconcile with the fact that they may never experience romantic love or even want it in the first place and thus, form our own frameworks of what romantic love and love in general is to us . I don't think romantic love is dead , but I definitely think it requires a restructuring on how that will look like especially with the percarity of the economy , changing gender norms and how technology exacerbates these issues .
There’s a social researcher named Caroline Norma who has discussed this recently. She predicts that semi-arranged marriages will be making a come back (in the West). People just want security and reliability these days. 😭
I really enjoyed this, Kim! I have a theory that the phenomenon of "unloving" is unfolding not just in relationships irl, but due to the dynamic of hatred and rage wielded online primarily by bad actors. Not just podcasters, but the "content farms" like shaderoom and countless other pages with millions of (mostly Black) followers that report celebrity and culture "news".
This was so good, Kim! I'm also in my "loving the space I'm in" phase. I am so grateful, every single day! I also agree that the current state of romantic love is deeply depressing. However, hearing the joy and gratitude in your voice when you speak about your romantic relationship makes me smile. Thank you for sharing all of your thoughtful insights and reference materials with us.
Where are folks saying that romance can be handled by friends? I've heard it can work for touch starvation and companionship, but romance is romantic full stop.
Considering that college was a good place to meet a spouse 1 - 2 generations ago, you could say that romantic love was behind a paywall then too. College was not where near as expensive then as it is today, but still a luxury.
I don’t think $10K is a lot of money to invest in finding a spouse because who you choose heavily influences your life trajectory. As Kim said, some people pay more for business coaches and I said the same thing when my friend sent me the video 😅.
To clarify, think of the *magical* time when most Black people married before having children that conservatives like to point to (though the data is shaky on that), most Black people were not attending college at that time.
As a queer woman, the only reason why these conversations never resonated with me because it always seemed so hetropessimistic and honestly entitled.
I think for me as queer women especially, I've always regarded romantic love as a luxury and not as a right because the queer community is so small , and because I'm black as well you also have to navigate racism in queer spaces as well as the socio economic status , cultural fit and the character of the person on top of homophobia (whether internally or from outside spaces ) .
I think a lot of queer people , have to reconcile with the fact that they may never experience romantic love or even want it in the first place and thus, form our own frameworks of what romantic love and love in general is to us . I don't think romantic love is dead , but I definitely think it requires a restructuring on how that will look like especially with the percarity of the economy , changing gender norms and how technology exacerbates these issues .
There’s a social researcher named Caroline Norma who has discussed this recently. She predicts that semi-arranged marriages will be making a come back (in the West). People just want security and reliability these days. 😭
I really enjoyed this, Kim! I have a theory that the phenomenon of "unloving" is unfolding not just in relationships irl, but due to the dynamic of hatred and rage wielded online primarily by bad actors. Not just podcasters, but the "content farms" like shaderoom and countless other pages with millions of (mostly Black) followers that report celebrity and culture "news".
This was so good, Kim! I'm also in my "loving the space I'm in" phase. I am so grateful, every single day! I also agree that the current state of romantic love is deeply depressing. However, hearing the joy and gratitude in your voice when you speak about your romantic relationship makes me smile. Thank you for sharing all of your thoughtful insights and reference materials with us.
Just quotes on quotes throughout this! Lol and le sigh. Thank you!
Where are folks saying that romance can be handled by friends? I've heard it can work for touch starvation and companionship, but romance is romantic full stop.
On the whole though, I always adore your takes. Glad I found you here since I'm not on YouTube much because of the procrastination factor.
Considering that college was a good place to meet a spouse 1 - 2 generations ago, you could say that romantic love was behind a paywall then too. College was not where near as expensive then as it is today, but still a luxury.
I don’t think $10K is a lot of money to invest in finding a spouse because who you choose heavily influences your life trajectory. As Kim said, some people pay more for business coaches and I said the same thing when my friend sent me the video 😅.
There has never been a time in US history where most people met their spouse in college. That's a myth.
To clarify, think of the *magical* time when most Black people married before having children that conservatives like to point to (though the data is shaky on that), most Black people were not attending college at that time.
One of your best! And so happy for your happiness.
HEB knew what they were doing when they made central market!!!