Tracee Ellis Ross and the Crisis of Male Status Envy
How status anxiety drives misogyny in Gender Wars discourse
Hey, y'all!
Last week, I hopped on Instagram Live to dive into something I've been thinking about for a minute Tracee Ellis Ross and what I'm calling the Male Status Spiral™️. It’s a phenomenon where men entrenched in Gender War discourse collapse into delusion when confronted with a woman who puts their relative lack of social power on display.
I’ve mentioned the idea before, but this concept crystallized for me while watching Tracee’s conversation with Michelle Obama, and the subsequent bizarre reactions to her stated dating preferences from male commentators like Corey Holcomb.
What we're witnessing isn't just garden-variety sexism, but a profound crisis of anxiety among men who can't reconcile their desire for male privilege and domination with women's increasing independence.
When Tracee mentioned preferring younger men because men her age (52) are often "steeped in toxic masculinity," the Gender Warriors concocted an absurd narrative that painted her as predatory. Predatory where?
How could they have possibly determined that this woman preys on “little boys?” She didn’t say anything like that during the discussion, and there’s no proof to be found on the Internet.
I realized this incomprehensible reaction perfectly exemplifies the Male Status Spiral. It’s what happens when Gender Warriors cannot process that a woman like Tracee would never need or seek their approval.
Misogynists like Holcomb respond with textbook status anxiety techniques: attempting to "humble" successful women, claiming they've "wasted their prime years," insisting no "real man" would want them, and projecting their own insecurities through increasingly bizarre assertions.
Let's be clear about something: Tracee Thee Ellis Ross, daughter of Diana, former star of "Girlfriends," entrepreneur, and confidante of Michelle, does not need to acquire status through a romantic relationship. That doesn’t mean she can’t desire one, nor does it negate the grief she mentioned during the podcast.
Tracee’s social power doesn't come from being "chosen," it comes from her ability to choose for herself while maintaining her own identity and influence.
After dragging Katy Perry and girls, I have to make it clear that feminism cannot center the needs and desires of women like Tracee. She’ll be fine, but the agency Tracee possesses (a privilege afforded to relatively few women) does threaten Western patriarchy’s fundamental assumptions.
At its core, the Male Status Spiral reflects a larger crisis in masculinity. As the current social order delivers diminishing returns (though still far too many) for Patriarchy Aspirants, the resulting anxiety manifests as hostility toward women who embody the threat.
This brings us back to the crux of my realization: the current Gender Wars aren’t just about dating preferences or relationship dynamics, they’re about status competition. When men claim "women aren't what they used to be," what they're really saying is "women won't accept my attempts to subordinate themselves to my imagined authority."
The solution isn't entertaining these delusions, but building a world where pre-occupation with the zero-sum status game doesn’t define every, single relationship, and where we all have the freedom to choose authentic connections based on mutual respect1.
In the meantime, I hope Miss Tracee Ellis Ross is somewhere enjoying a glass of wine, completely unbothered by men who will never have the pleasure of existing in her orbit2.
💜Kim
bell hooks reminds us in All About Love that mutual respect is foundational to any loving relationship (Chapter Nine). Neither true love nor communion can exist in dynamics mediated by control, power plays, or patriarchal gender roles. Instead, hooks argues that mutuality—where both individuals are equally committed to each other's growth, care, and joy—is the heart of real connection. Without mutuality, relationships default to struggles for dominance rather than spaces of healing, partnership, and freedom. I will NEVER understand why the Gender Warriors are so committed to caricaturing hooks as a misandrist. She extends more grace to men in this text than almost anyone (gender neutral).
Another cheeky reference to Blue Origin debacle. I couldn’t help myself.
I had heard people comparing her to the Shannon Sharpe of it all and being the female predator and was like…who said that?!?! Nicely done! 👏🏾🙌🏾